Censorship Sucks

By Mark Metevier, Skyline Humor Columnist

Don’t you just love America? It is the greatest nation on the planet…if you haven’t traveled outside of it. It is pretty cool though. If you make enough money, you can still have teeth! I mean, one could even argue that God himself created war just to teach us geography! On the bright side, at least we are an accepting nation, unless you’re anything but a straight white man or someone who wants to read a book the gatekeepers don’t like.

As some may recall, there is a Texas school district that removed the Diary of Anne Frank from their shelves. Yes, removing an important piece of both, history and literature, is always a good idea. So much for trying to prevent the higher-ups from changing history and manipulating how children are taught in schools.

They’re more hypocritical than me when I tell my friends they should eat healthier as I pull out of the McDonald’s drive through. Who even puts these people in charge? Those types can’t tell jokes, but they sure can elect them. They manage to somehow hate both the way things are and change. People like that remind me of slinkies. They don’t do much, but they sure do bring a smile to my face when I push them down a flight of stairs.

Ignoring the problem doesn’t change the fact it’s there. I tried that method with Danishes, and I still gained five pounds. Censorship is a problem, and all problems require solutions. Typically, this means that we’ll be pitted against each other. Even in the most stressful, divisive events, I’m confident that no matter the chaos, we can all agree on one thing: new books smell great!

Perhaps we could all just relax and pick up some Edgar Allan Poe, I hear he was a raven madman.

At the end of the day, the worst part of censorship has to be [REDACTED]. It just doesn’t make any sense honestly. Well…with all the issues regarding this topic, I’ll leave you with a bit of advice. Always remember, there are three types of people in this world: 1. Those who believe in censorship.