What Can a Horse-Man Do?
By Mark Metevier, Skyline Humor Columnist
We are back in the saddle again folks! This semester should feel particularly nostalgic given that we are starting it off with another viral infection. The Covid show returned after a brief intermission, and on top of that, another medical monkey, called Monkey Pox, is on our back. This one has been making the news for being transmitted through intimacy, so most of you have nothing to worry about. And if you do, the university is now offering free STD testing as well as counseling. Fairly progressive for the Lone Star State.
The tragic shooting in Uvalde has us all worried about school safety, and the local high school is even considering allowing students and teachers to tote guns to school. Give me a break; talk about the cart before the horse!
Well, the first few weeks of a new year are supposed to be fun. In that spirit, here’s a little something that may bring a smile to your face, perhaps even a chuckle. That is if you enjoy the suffering of your fellow man.
You won’t believe what happened to me this summer (or maybe you will since we are in Texas): I was bitten by a horse! And I gotta tell ya, being human horse feed is a very humbling and painful experience. I was just minding my business leading the herd of riders on a nice horseback riding adventure, and BAM, suddenly my calf had become a snack for the horse behind me. I gotta say, I was frightened, yet somewhat giddy that a horse thought that I looked like a snack.
Let’s all breathe a sigh of relief that horses aren’t carnivores, excluding this specific horse, because that would be Jurassic Park level terrifying.
I was rushed over to a hospital, praying that I would leave this mess with horse powers and fulfill my new dream of becoming Horse-Man! That may have been the pain killer talking though. Instead, something much worse happened.
The doctor assigned to me was…an Aggie! I couldn’t have picked a worse day to wear UT shorts. I noticed he took a look at my shorts with disgust, and from that point forward, I began to accept the very real possibility that he may just let me die. Luckily, I made it out just fine. It’ll be a while before I go near a horse again. Maybe I’ll try riding donkeys next time. Hopefully, they’ll be less of an ass.