A Woman in the Spotlight: The Struggle of Taylor Swift

By Dawson Beard, Skyline Desk Chief

“Are you ready for it?”

The bass drops, rattling and filling my ear drums as the screams of little preteen girls occupy any gaps the music missed. The first confetti cannon hasn’t even gone off, the strobe lights have hardly strobed, but it already feels like a party, and our entertainment for the evening has just arrived. At least that is the elementary sensation I, a novice in the world of Swifties, felt in the presence of a pop star, but to the more experienced among us, AKA my 13-year-old niece, she was in the presence of a goddess, an icon. Taylor was a queen, the stage was her throne, and her loyal subjects greeted her with excitement and hysteria. Taylor Swift had yet to sing a note of her first song, but the fans were content enough to just look at her and embrace her energy that effortlessly filled AT&T Stadium. This is what power, acceptance, and stardom looks like. The fans were indeed ready for it, but after all these years, was Taylor?

This is all Taylor Swift ever wanted. In the formative years of her career, she felt tormented by industry standards of who she should be, what she should say, what she shouldn’t say, what she should do, what she shouldn’t do, this, that, and the other thing. I can imagine it must have been utter hell in the mind of a young and rising star desperate for acceptance and validation to be dealing with the struggles of mental health and an inability to say how she truly felt.

“The main thing I always strived to be was a ‘good’ girl. You are kind of doing a constant strategy in your head as to how not to be shamed for something on any given day, but then you get accused of being calculated for having a strategy,” says Swift, giving a glimpse into the eternal struggle that she faces as, not just a woman in America, but a woman in America with a spotlight on her.

She has it all — accolades, fame, fortune, romance, influence. Yet, something is constantly missing and can never be found in her pursuit of perfection. Throughout most of Swift’s career, she sought validation, but from who?

“Taylor, you’re doing a good job at your work. Taylor, you’re doing a good job as a songwriter. You’re doing a good job being a musician. Those pats on the head were all I lived for.”

This inner turmoil seemed to get the best of Swift in 2016, as she disappeared from the public eye for a year. Experiencing feelings of inadequacy and feeling like people didn’t want her around anymore, she decided to simply vanish. However, Taylor Swift didn’t communicate this with words, no no. She communicates in a way that only a true generational artist communicates; through a communication medium that everyone can listen to, enjoy, appreciate, and respond with bursts of emotion, unseen since the days of Elvis, The Beatles, or Michael Jackson — pure, heart-written, music. Her song “this is me trying” is a song we can all relate to; a song that everyone can see themselves in; a song where we can all become one with the mind of a beloved woman who is tortured by natural order.

I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway

Put yourself in Taylor Swift’s shoes and immerse yourself into these lyrics. You’re on top of the world, people from all over the world pay money to hear you perform, you’re selling out stadiums and making money hand over fist, you’re dating the hottest guys, you’re a queen among commoners. But for Taylor, still that little girl on the inside, the little girl who wanted nothing more than to be accepted and validated, but always felt like she came up short, negative self-perception and poor mental health convinced her she wasn’t wanted. She went into hiding and was terrified to come out, even though she had spent the better part of two decades capturing the hearts and souls of fans who idolized and loved her.

Today, there is clarity. Swift regrets ever leaving and ever making herself feel that she wasn’t enough. The once scared and meek little girl has blossomed into a powerful woman who knows her worth, will say what she wants to say, do what she wants to do, and take a stand against perceived political and social injustices to bring about the change in the world that she wants to see. She was tired of being a “good girl” and is now a wealthy, successful, and unapologetically outspoken American woman.

So is she ready for it? I think the real question is . . . are we?