OPINION: The Unfair Stigma of Being a Male Survivor
By Maya Tinajero, Skyline Reporter
ALPINE – October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, and while a lot of much-needed attention in focused on female survivors of such heinous actions, there is a severe lack of support for male survivors.
Domestic violence can be defined as physical, sexual, emotional threats, or other tactics of intimidation used to control a partner, usually in an intimate or familial relationship. Women and children are most often associated with being the “victims” in these sorts of situations, while men are labeled as “perpetrators.” This societal perception of men as transgressors and never victims can be linked to the media we consume. From movies to news stories, women survivors are consistently highlighted, as they should be. However, the lack of representation for their male counterparts is extremely harmful and isolating.
There is also the matter of pervasive representations of male victims. Cases such as Netflix’s new biopic “Monsters: The Lyle and Erik Menendez Story” exploit a tragic scenario by turning two male victims into nothing more than antagonistic, greed driven, killers. In real life, Lyle and Erik were charged with two counts of the first-degree murder of both their parents, Kitty and Jose Menendez. During the trials the brother’s defense was that they had both been sexually abused by their father and that their mother had acted as an accomplice. The case lasted seven years and both brothers were sentenced to life imprisonment with no possibility of parole. Despite the disappointing results Leslie Abramson, Erik Menendez’s attorney asked a question we should all remember; “Would you feel any differently about what happened to my client, if my clients name was Erika Menendez?”
Despite reports from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence that one in seven men starting at the age of 18 have experienced severe violence, society still teaches young boys to “man up,” a harmful phrase rooted in toxic masculinity and gender norms. Toxic masculinity refers to a set of extreme attitudes or behaviors stereotypically expected from men. One example of this is the idea that “boys don’t cry.” This is an obviously false and frankly unhealthy belief. Sul Ross State University Counselor Ronnie Harris says that toxic masculinity can often discourage males from seeking help, support, or services after being the victims of abuse. The messages this ideology spreads can be direct or indirect, but regardless result in teaching men they must be self-reliant and that any sign of weakness is entirely unacceptable.
Society cannot allow male survivors to continue being thrown to the back burner of the domestic violence issue. Toxic masculinity does not equal power, rather it displays a lack of it. To break this vicious cycle, we must acknowledge that men can be abused, can be raped, and can be victims.
Sul Ross counseling services in collaboration with the SR Honors Club, Psychology Club, and the Local Family Crisis Center, will be hosting a documentary on domestic violence directed by SR graduate Natalie Pattillo entitled, And So I Stayed on October 22nd at 7pm in the LVCR with a discussion at the Zuzu Verk Auditorium to follow. One of their hopes for this discussion is to bring forward all voices, including male voices.
